Where’d the Pseudo Science Go? A Lion Ate It.


So, about that lion.

For about two week all of the mommy bloggers warning you about the dangers in your pantry have been eerily quiet. Have you noticed?

Since I got a little knowledge (a “dangerous thing”) about nutrition under my belt, the increasing volume of nutritional BS flying around the Internet has been getting to me. Ignore it, you say? That’s like ignoring a brontosaurus in the ladies’ room. It’s too big and obscene and unignorable. For a couple of years food alarmists have been inescapable..but there are gone. What’s up?

We have a new target. Monsanto is so yesterday. Some dentist, bless his heart, couldn’t think of anything better to do with his money than going to a country where things really want to eat you and shooting one of them just to prove that he was much cooler than a dentist is expected to be. E Voila, no more gluten warnings. No more GMO scares. No more bemoaning food born and a total lack of chem-trail alerts. One dead (“murdered”) King of the Jungle refocused the entire Internet from the government Big Ag, Big Food conspiracy and Bees, to boot, and got everyone talking about hanging a dentist. America, you are really easily distracted.

I’ve been unusually quiet and just deleting pictures of lions..actually hundreds of copies of pictures of the same lion..from various news feeds, quietly gleeful that big cat pushed out all the bogus nutritional crap, but then I got to thinking.

It’s not like big game hunting is new, you know. Where have all the lion lovers been until now? Why have they been so silent?

Personally, I have never cottoned to the idea of big game hunting. I have no particular feeling of kinship to the animals, but I figure they’re there and I’m here and if I travel anywhere it’s going to be a place with profiteroles, strudel or Cremant rather than one with thousands of insects and things you have to get shots for before getting your visa. Given the choice of a glass of bubbly and a perfect piece of Sacchertorte or sleeping under a net and watching for dropping snakes so you can shoot something exotic, I see no contest.

It was always my arrogant opinion that most of the people I associated with agreed that big game hunting is just dumb and really not a good idea unless the game is off in the bush eating adorable babies or disrupting some human order’s place at the top of the food chain like crocodiles or rogue elephants are occasionally wont to do.

It’s not that I, being an omnivore, would be opposed to killing animals on principal. There is, as a matter of fact a family of squirrels in my back forty I’d put six inches under in a heartbeat if I were a decent shot, but I and I thought my friends have always considered big game hunting just distasteful. Now, at least, my friends seem to be more impassioned about it.

I kind of get it: Lions and tigers and elephants, oh my, are quite lovely at a distance where you can’t see their parasites and you can’t see them tearing cuter things apart for lunch, and it is admittedly hard not to anthropomorphize them. “Look at that majestic creature. What magnificent thoughts he must be having,” (how good you’d taste.) And just flying to Africa to knock one off for the rug seems a pretty useless thing to do. As I said, I thought we all agreed on the vapid futility of shooting things you don’[t intend to eat, except for a few of our duller minded and richer brethren. But why have you, friends of Cecil, been silent for the past century as big game hunting became increasingly popular and accessible only to explode in social media rage now?

It seems the big game hunter who magnanimously has eclipsed Monsanto as target of national wrath jumped the shark (another endangered species) be carrying out the sport of big game in unsportsmanlike manner. For shame. He popped the cat out of bounds and used technology, which does indeed smack of cravenness, so I get the derision and the disdain, but I’m kind of thinking there is something odd about all of this sudden national venom against a dentist doing something people have known about for years. A lot of people kill a lot of things, and nobody wants to stone them hanging by their toes in the piazza. (except PETA and Green Peace, but really…do we want to take the outside wingnuts into consideration? I mean they’d rather we all died so that the non-human animal kingdom could rule uncontested.)

So what makes the dentist different? Could it be money. We double despise people who do things we can’t afford. Damn fat cats shooting our lion. (Seriously , had you ever heard of Cecil before the dentist kerfuffle?)

One of the requirements for big game hunting is a whole lot of money. You have to fly a long way, you have to get really expensive clothes from stores like Hammacher Schlemmer and special lion guns and pay for bearers who set you up as Bwana in a five star tent, also of your purchasing. There’s the expense of mosquito nets. You have to have bearers or rent big outback Land Rovers with Rhino armor and hire guides.
Dropping a leopard is a hell of a lot more expensive than a family week at Disneyland. It’s not something most of us are probably going to consider. It is an elite sport, and I wonder if that isn’t what most of the fury is about. It’s something they do. Not us, and we hate them even without the lion, so let’s have at it.
Nobody’s producing nasty hatey memes about trout fishers or Clem whose hounds just brought home a possum for the pot. Social media isn’t hating on elk hunting. In the South shooting feral pigs is rewarded, and nary a gardener has never sent a gopher trap..unfair to say the least. I just bought an electrified tennis racket for wasps and use it with glee. Wasps are critters, too. Outrage however seems reserved for exotic game in Africa.
What we, the 99%, bring down is OK, but the expensive big game kill is anethema. Maybe this is because our venom is very unlikely to touch any of our kin? If it had been a stag downed by a hunter in Wal Mart gear (and you can be sure that Bwana Dentist really, really wishes it was) nobody would be screaming. But he’s a rich guy. So it’s a national catastrophe. Women swoon. Men growl. Green Peace is orgasmic.

Whatever the cause, for two weeks Monsanto has not surfaced, Chemtrails reporting way down, gluten forgotten, GMO’s so yesterday, and vaccination required in California. I am really , really sorry that Cecil met a despicable death, but thank God that at last something has refocused the miniscule national attention span. It has been recently said (surely with sorrow) that Cecil is detrending. I wouldn’t know because I have blocked every site with his picture. His sacrifice, however will probably be lasting. The Pseudo Science noise is unlikely to return, because we now have Donald Trump to rile our minds.

Thanks Cecil.


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